When I first started at Future Living Hertford, initially as a volunteer, I had no previous experience of domestic abuse on a personal or educational level. It’s one of those things, like anything where you think it hasn’t happened to me so I don’t need to know about it.
Although I am someone who is compassionate and non-judgemental, I still lacked an understanding of what domestic abuse was and was of the mindset, ‘why don’t they just leave’
An education
That mindset is something that has gravely changed throughout my time at Future Living Hertford. Although I am not part of the caseworking team, I see clients walk through the door and get to know them as they start to attend Vale House regularly. I have been truly humbled by some of the stories I have heard, and this type of abuse certainly does not discriminate.
We support clients who are professionals, have a successful career, a nice house, a family – not, from the outside, how you would imagine a survivor of domestic abuse to present. But I have seen with my own eyes that this really can happen to anyone and it is not as simple as just leaving when things get bad.
My eyes have been opened
My eyes have been truly opened to what domestic abuse involves, not just physical abuse, financial, sexual, coercive control, even children being used to further manipulate and retain control over the survivor through parental alienation, a process where a child is psychologically manipulated into becoming estranged from one parent.
I recognise the strength it takes for a survivor to seek help, it is often a long road and some of the abuse they have suffered can have life-long effects but It fills me with such hope to see clients who are willing to change their lives for the better. They quite literally walk out of Vale House different people from when they first came in. I see it in them, the way they walk, the way they speak, the way they hold eye contact and engage more easily in conversations.
Changing lives
It is common for our clients to also then go on to help support other survivors. They feel empowered to make a change and know the difference they can make to others who, just like them, have survived domestic abuse and are left feeling confused, angry, upset and lost. Through the unity of our in-person programmes our clients come together and find themselves again, whilst also finding others who walk beside them on their journey.
Of course it is very much a process and with the help of the team at Future Living Hertford and our dedicated programmes, Wise Guys for men, The Monica Programme for women and our counselling service, we are changing lives for the better.
If you would like to find out more about the support we offer to survivors of domestic abuse, email: [email protected]
You can also read the stories of some of our clients in our book, A Story of Change, which is available to buy for £15 via our website HERE or at reception.
We rely on donations to provide our services. If you can help survivors to thrive, not just survive,
Please donate at CAF Donate.
