Male Victims, the facts….

When domestic abuse is mentioned, it is common for people to think that men are solely the perpetrators of the abuse. But statistics show that 1 in 7 victims are male. Although this is lower than female victims, this still equates to over 750,000 men each year.  Those 1 in 7 men matter, and they are victims too. 

How we support male victims of domestic abuse….

At Future Living Hertford, we run a programme for male survivors of domestic abuse, called Wise Guys. The programme is aimed at empowering men who have been through the trauma of domestic abuse in all its forms; psychological, physical, financial, sexual and coercive control. Most importantly it offers a chance for those who attend  to come together and connect with others who they can relate to. The programme takes place in a 12 week online group. It gives the men an opportunity to open up about their experiences alongside others who understand, because they themselves have suffered too. One of the graduates from our last programme shared his thoughts on what he got out of attending each week:

“I had only ever previously known  people to think everything was the man’s fault. Now, I feel I understand more and have people who understand me.  

I have started improving myself. I go to the gym almost everyday now and have made new friends. Finally, I can see hope in my future.”

Breaking the stigma…

Men can sometimes think that no one will believe them if they choose to come forward about their abuse. Some may feel that they will be perceived as weak. 64% of men said they would not have called the Mankind Initiative helpline (a helpline dedicated to supporting male victims of domestic abuse) if it was not anonymous. Breaking the stigma which still sadly surrounds male victims is crucial in encouraging more men to come forward for support. Men who have the courage to speak about their experiences are doing just that.

At our AGM, which took place in June this year, we welcomed one of our former Wise Guys clients  to speak at the event. He spoke candidly about what he had been through and explained how Future Living Hertford had been the first service out of the many he had tried to contact, where he had managed to actually speak to a human being. He was offered compassion and a programme which could help. 

Thanks to funding from HCF, we were able to offer him a place on the next Wise Guys programme where he says he found himself again. He told how, thanks to the support from the other men in the group, for the first time he was able to share his experiences of domestic abuse, which he feels no longer define him. 

A difficult journey…

Coming forward is just the beginning and we know that this takes courage and a great deal of strength. Recovering from domestic abuse is a long and difficult process. But when faced with the additional fear and judgment of others which men often do, it can seem overwhelming. 

The men who have completed our Wise Guys programme are proof that, once you are ready to take that step, it is possible to begin the healing process. As part of Future Living Hertford’s 10 year anniversary celebration, we released a book entitled, A Story of Change. The book features real stories from clients who have been supported by the charity, including stories from some of our male clients:

Here is an extract from one of these stories:

“A marriage that should have been a dream, for me, turned into a nightmare. I was a victim of emotional and physical abuse, which led me to flee the foreign country I was living in with my wife at the time. At first, I thought men did not get as much help as women who were victims of domestic abuse, but I was proven wrong. 

I came across a charity called Future Living which I phoned. For the first time in over 3 weeks or trying, I had someone who was willing to help. I will always be thankful to Future Living. They gave me that brief but crucial ray of light in my world of darkness and alienation.”

There is hope, there is help….

A Story of Change is available to purchase now for £15 via our website HERE all proceeds from the book will go directly to Future Living Hertford and will enable us to support more victims of domestic abuse, whilst raising awareness of the fact that men are victims too. 

For more information about our Wise Guys programme, email: [email protected] 

You can find out more about The Mankind Initiative HERE  or call their free helpline: 0808 800 1170