Starting at the beginning…….
When we meet a male client for the first time, it’s hard for us to know how much the experiences they have encountered have changed them. Simply because, we didn’t know who they were before they had become a victim of domestic abuse. In some clients we meet, it is evident that they have lost their confidence or feel low. Others present as if nothing has happened at all, putting on a ‘male bravado’ as many men do.
We meet them part way through their story and listen openly as they tell us about what they have been through. Some men are reluctant to talk at first, particularly to a woman. To them, if they have experienced abuse from a woman, they may find it difficult to trust another. They can sometimes doubt if they are all the same.
What is it like to be a male survivor of domestic abuse?
One such client describes how upon his first meeting with our domestic abuse lead, Nicola, he shuddered as she opened her laptop. To him a laptop was a weapon, an object which had been thrown at him by his ex wife. Not yet knowing his full story, Nicola was blissfully unaware of this and carried on with her assessment.
To her, her laptop was used to help her with her work but to the client it brought back terrible memories. It shows how for a survivor, day to day life can be tainted by the abuse they have suffered, even when they are ‘free’ from the perpetrator. Sadly they still have their mind intact and this can be filled with painful and frightening memories.
We can see through their body language how this still affects them, even though they are not physically in the relationship. Mentally the trauma they are dealing with is evident to see.
Future Living’s aim is not to close the book but to turn the page. Through our Wise Guys programme which is specifically for male victims of domestic abuse, we encourage the victim to rewrite a new story. A story where they take center stage and control the pace. A story where they are in control and can turn to a new page at any time they choose. We appreciate that this process is not easy. That’s why we offer counselling for those partaking in Wise Guys to ensure that they are supported every step of the way.
How does Wise Guy’s help?
A graduate of the programme said: “Before I approached Future Living, I contacted over a dozen other organisations and charities that help victims of domestic abuse. It took 3 hours to get through to one particular advice line, who then told me to phone another helpline! When I phoned Future Living, they listened to me at a time when I could not find one person who could listen so attentively.
After my assessment, they offered me a place on Wise Guys as well as weekly counselling sessions. Five months later, I have found a peaceful state of mind. My sincere thanks go to Future Living for their patience in my recovery journey. I have a new life”.
Not every story has a happy ending, which is why we believe in the power of changing the story. Through hard work and dedication, this is possible. And just like a bookcase, we can have more than one book which we are free to open and close as much as we choose to.
Our Wise Guys programme is a 8 or 12 week online programme specifically for male survivors of domestic abuse. For more information about our Wise Guys programme, email: [email protected]
